Breaking the Barrier: Understanding Why We Resist Change
In last week’s blog, we explored how familiarity provides comfort yet can quietly trap us in stagnation. Now, let’s dig deeper into why change feels so hard, even when we want it.
We often assume that resistance to change comes from laziness or lack of willpower. But in reality, resistance is a natural, built-in survival mechanism. When we understand how it works—and how to gently override it—we can stop viewing ourselves as “failures” for struggling, and instead see resistance as part of the growth journey.
The Brain’s Bias for Safety Over Growth
Our brains are designed to keep us alive, not to make us happy or fulfilled. The familiar equals safe in the mind’s primitive wiring. Any change—whether positive or negative—is perceived as a potential threat.
That’s why starting a new job, ending a toxic friendship, or even trying a new morning routine can trigger the same fear response as physical danger. The amygdala, the brain’s fear center, lights up and releases stress hormones, prompting fight, flight, or freeze. This makes us want to retreat to what we know, even if what we know isn’t good for us.
The result? We cling to old habits, relationships, and mindsets—not because they are healthy, but because they are predictable.
Emotional Comfort vs. Emotional Growth
Comfort is emotionally soothing, while growth is emotionally disruptive. To grow, we must tolerate discomfort—the awkwardness of not knowing, the grief of letting go, the anxiety of stepping into the unknown. Most people retreat at this point, interpreting discomfort as a sign something is “wrong.”
But discomfort is not danger. It’s evidence that we are expanding beyond our current limits.
When Stuck Becomes a Lifelong State
Over time, avoiding discomfort can lead to emotional and psychological “freezing.” A person can get stuck in the emotional age at which they stopped growing. That’s why you may meet someone in their 50s or 60s who responds to conflict, responsibility, or relationships like an adolescent.
They may have aged externally, but their inner world remains anchored in old fears and familiar patterns. This emotional immaturity isn’t about intelligence or capability—it’s about never learning how to move through discomfort into growth.
Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Unlocking Change
This is where emotional intelligence (EQ) becomes essential. EQ helps us:
Recognize our fear and discomfort without letting it control us
Regulate our emotions instead of reacting impulsively
Motivate ourselves with hope rather than fear
Empathize with others as we navigate new terrain
Build supportive relationships that make change feel safer
EQ gives us the internal stability needed to risk stepping into the unfamiliar.
A Spiritual Lens on Resistance
In Joshua 1:9, God commands, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Fear doesn’t mean we’re on the wrong path. Often, fear is the sign we are standing on the edge of something new. Courage is not the absence of fear but moving forward with it, trusting that we are not alone.